So this is my new blog! Haha. Well, I just want to release the thoughts in my head. There are soooo many feelings I want to release. Why? To make myself better! If I'll just reside those feelings inside, it'll just make me sick. Honestly, I don't know how or where to start this entry 'cause the thoughts in my mind are chaotic. My worries, sadness, happiness, heartaches, hatred…everything!

FRIENDS

It's super nice to have friends by your side. You have someone you can trust and count on. You have partners in everything! You have someone whom you can share the blissful and awkward moments of your life. No one survives without any friend in this planet! Have you seen any person without a friend? Maybe, we see those pariahs without any companion in our school cafeteria, but it doesn't mean that they don't have friends.

Hay, I love my friends! They're my happiness. They make me laugh... and when the moment I laugh, it makes my worries, pains vanish for a while. In friendship, not a soul can avoid disagreements or misunderstanding. Those things jazz up your relationship with your friends! Without those, your friendship doesn't make any sense. Walang challenge e. A friendship becomes stronger when it's tested.

I have this one friend that whom I always misunderstood. I don't know! I just find her kinda epal at times. And then something happened (a long time ago). I've read a letter or something. It's like a draft for a journal or a journal written in a piece of paper. It says it all! Her family problems… everything! And I've realized that her being epal is the effect of those problems. She needs attention, love, care and understanding. And after that, I relate to her more. Hindi ko na siya inaway, minsan ko na lang siya barahin. Haha. And then I imagined what if I would be in her place? Nooo way! I can't! Parang mamamatay ako. Mas gugustuhin ko na lang na mawala sa mundo because I have a weak personality. Kung mababasa niyo lang talaga, it's very heartrending. I admire her for being that so brave in facing those problems in her life. And this is what I admire her the most; she can even laugh when we're together!

STUDIES

Hay! I'm an average student but still, I think I'm the worst! I'm very sluggish, lazy, slothful...whatever you wanna call it! Sloth, one of the 7 Deadly Sins! Aww, I'm a sinner! I'm so lazy when it comes to my studies. Chemical reactions, balancing equations, writing formulas, conversions…waaa!! I did not dream of becoming a chemist or working something related to that chemistry. And why do we need to memorize the elements and their atomic mass and valence number when there's a table that can we look for? I don't hate chemistry. It is just that I like it! It doesn't fit to me. Wala akong maintindihan! Haha.

I don't know why I'm like this. I'm aware that Education is really, really important to us. I hate myself when it comes to this matter. I want to be diligent in studying but I can't. I think I can make it when I try harder. But I can't help sleeping, resting every time. Gusto ko, nagpapahinga lang or mag-net. Mas gusto ko pa yun kesa mag-aral. BAD, carcar! I'm always praying to God that someday I'll be a hard-working student! Haha. Sana nga! In God, nothing's impossible! :)

Pano kung may bagsak ako? Pano na ang kinabukasan ko? Ano ba ang gusto ko? I always think those things. I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. In preschool and elementary days, they ask what do we want when we grow up and put it in our yearbook. Pero nanggagaya lang ako nun e. Kung gusto nila nurse, nurse din ako. Haha. Gusto ko may katulad e, bakit ba?! :P Haha. Seriously, I want to know what I want, I need to know what I want! Tinatanong na kasi kami kung anong gusto naming course for college para daw maayos na nila yung elective subject naming next school year. I still don't know what particular subjects I excel. Anong course ba ang pwede sakin? :(

PEOPLE AROUND ME

It's hard for me to deal with others. I'm always afraid that they will think something bad about me if they get to know me more. I'm always afraid of the criticisms, that some people would hate me. Some would say; why? And the answer is I don't know. Sa bagay, bakit nga naman diba? I'm just being real to myself and there's nothing wrong with that but why am I still afraid? I will not be dealing with them for the rest of my life, right? Then why? Hay… Why is there people who look after to what you did? Pwede namang 'wag na mangialam diba? Haha. Bakit ba lagi na lang nakikita ang mga mali ko? Minsan na nga lang tumama, mamaliin pa. Kung anu-ano na ang sasabihin tungkol sayo e, hindi naman kayo close. Ijjudge ka agad e, hindi ka naman niya kilala personally. Ewan ko ba pero humihina ang loob ko sa mga bagay na involved ang mga taong nakapaligid sakin na hindi ko naman kaano-ano. Tinatry ko i-please sila pero what for? Kung ganun yung tingin nila sakin, wala akong magagawa at alam ko yun. Ayoko nang magmukang kawawa kaya I'll stop pleasing them. Hindi ko naman sila mapipilit e. I should live my life without worrying of what other people would think of me. Pero pano? Sino pwede tumulong, mag-encourage?

LOVE

How would you know if your in love? If you're always thinking of that person? What if you're always thinking of your chemistry professor because you wonder if he would give you a passing grade in his subject? Does it mean that you're in love with your professor? Haha. Seriously, it depends.

When I hear the word LOVE, the first thing that comes in my mind is happiness. Nothing can possibly be happier than falling in love. You're always shining and your days seem so bright. You have an inspiration. You have someone whom can you share all your feelings. You feel that nothing would be happier than being with the person you love.

Another thing that comes into my mind when I hear the word love is misery. When you love, expect that you'll be hurt. Being hurt is part of loving, deal with it! Mahirap, masakit. E ganun talaga e. Wala ka nang magagawa. Mahal mo siya pero hindi ka niya mahal. Mahal mo siya, mahal ka niya pero lahat ayaw. Mahal mo siya pero iniwan ka. Sad but it's the nature of love. All we have to do is let the despair pass and move on. Just have faith always.

Pano mo ba malalaman kung siniseryoso ka? Nakakatakot nga naman kung kailan mahal mo siya, saka mo naman malalaman na ginago ka lang pala niya. After that? Ano na? Mag-iiiyak ka at magreregret. Sana hindi ko na lang siya nakilala! Sana hindi ko na lang siya minahal! I hate him/her! Susmiyo! Move on! There's so many things in this world that you can do than crying, crying and crying. When you fall, be sure that you're ready or aware of what will going to happen. Siguro naman, alam mo na na from the very start, posible kang masaktan. And don't regret! Mahihirapan/mapapagod ka lang kasisisi sa sarili mo. And in the first place, it was your choice to love that person (kahit sabihin mong hindi mo sinasadyang mahalin siya). Ayaw mo nun? At least you learned your lesson.

Abaaa! Haha. Akalain mong nasabi ko yang mga yan. Haha. What if, ako na yung may problema? Haha. I don't know how to handle my own problems. It's hard to love a person that's being loved by many others (not by family or friends). Daming kaagaw e. Haha. Tas hindi ka pa sure kung mapipili, magugustuhan at mamahalin ka niya. Oo, nagpapakita siya ng hints. Pero pano kung ganun din pala siya iba? Na he's tripping on you? Ang hiraap. E mahal na mahal mo na siya tas ginaganun ka pa niya? E di nahulog ka nun lalo. Pero sana naman diba, seryoso siya. Kahit hindi niya naman kasi sabihin na na mahal/gusto na niya ko, e sa mga ganun na ginagawa niya e I can't help but to think that maybe this person likes/loves me. Nako naman! Ayokong magmukang assuming, pero ano bang magagawa ko? Most people I know tell me that that person treats me differently. E ako naman feeling ko, ganun siya sa iba. Kaya nga ang daming nagkakagusto sa kanya e.

I believe in destiny. Haha. Others may find it baduy but I find it CUTE! If you had watched Serendipity, it will make you believe in destiny. Serendipity, a fortunate accident… ang cute diba? Parang ding love. I'm hoping that someday, I'll find that person. The right one, the one I could spend my whole life with; the one whom I will grow old with; the one that will kiss me when I'm sleeping; the one will hug me to make me feel safe; the one will give me hope; the one that will make me feel that I'm very important; the one that will accept me for who I really am; the one that will be by my side until the day I die; and finally, the one that will make my entire life complete. Hayy… :)